When I started my online platforms, I never anticipated the sense of responsibility I would feel for the information I was sharing. I love what I do, and I had a passion to share it with the world. But what I didn’t account, is how life moves forward and with that comes highs but also lows. In an industry where there’s a sense of obligation to be consistently positive, it’s easy to believe everyone lives an idealistic lifestyle. And these dips tend not to be shared. Understandably, not everyone want’s to air their personal life to those watching, I being one of them. However, after some reflection over Christmas I came to realise how from the outside it may look as though I’ve a perfect life with no worries or concerns. Hand on my heart, I would say 2017 has been a crap year.
Why am I sharing this with you? Firstly, I don’t want this to be seen as a negative post where I’m looking for a shoulder to cry on. Instead, I want to be brutally honest with you. I want to show you the real me, with no where to hide. I don’t ever want to portray myself as someone who’s not relatable, because we’re all in this journey together and the best place to start any relationship is with honesty.
Let’s talk body confidence, it’s been all the rage this past year. Admittedly I too have broached this subject, and I really have meant every word I’ve spoken. However, something I haven’t spoken about is disordered eating. Whilst I don’t feel ready to discuss this as an individual subject, it’s something I suffered with growing up and is still part of my life. I’ve been to therapy, which partially helped me to face up to what’s been happening and how to move forward. Although I’m a talker, I also struggle to fully open up which is why I turned to meditation and yoga as a way of healing. Writing too is a wonderful way of facing fears, and helping with the healing process. I feel this is why I had such a strong desire to write this post. This part of my life is a work in process, but I push myself to celebrate everything positive about who I am. Change must always come from a place of acceptance, because only then can we really move forward.
Loosing the love of fitness isn’t something I ever anticipated. But, is in fact quite common among those who motivate and train others. Whilst I’ve not stopped training, that fire inside me died a little this year. I’ve always been motivated by what my body can achieve, opposed to how I look and with that comes body confidence and a sense of self love and achievement. What have I done to change this? To grow and progress in this world, we have to learn from our mistakes and the lows life may throw at us. I’ve given myself some really exciting challenges and goals, based around fitness and adventure. Some days it may be difficult, but I really believe we all have the power to change, you just need to look deep enough.
Growing up means facing many challenges. You may have seen my partner and I bought our first house this year. I shared occasional updates with how it went, and whilst it has been a very exciting and rewarding project it also came with sacrifices. Firstly, I had to take a step back from my business as our weekends were all about pulling down ceilings and and dusty clothes. Secondly, I took a financial hit. Money isn’t something I find women speak about, it’s almost deemed a forbidden word. I for one, am all about pushing this old fashioned mindset out of the window. So, with this also came no holidays! I’m not going to spend ages complaining about how I didn’t get to sun myself in Spain for two weeks, however glorious that sounds. But what I will say, is having time away from your usual surroundings is so important. With this in mind, I plan to make more time for me and my partner. Even if it means holidays in the UK, it’s still having a break and that is worth it’s weight in gold.
Endometriosis. This is an illness I’ve been suffering from the past two years, I’ve made changes in my diet and lifestyle to ensure I look after my body in the best way possible. However, this doesn’t always guarantee it’ll stay quiet. In fact it’s reared it’s ugly head for the best part of 2017, which causes a large array of painful and upsetting symptoms. Being active, positive and not allowing this illness to define me has always been a mission of mine. I walked the Pink Pants Challenge for a second year, which is 24 miles across London. Pushing boundaries and connecting with others in a similar position is always something I find particular motivating, and helps me to keep smiling even on the painful days!
What do I want to achieve from this post? Friendship, honesty and progression. I want you to see me where I am now. And with this honesty, I hope becomes the start of a beautiful friendship among those who might not have spoken out before. You have the ability to progress with your life, but first you have to look forward.
What does 2018 hold? Change, adventure, success and motivation! While I don’t intent to give you the illusion everything is perfect after pouring out my heart, it’s given me the wake up call to find the positive in every situation and to work hard at making it a brilliant year. I urge you to do the same.
The past is your lesson. The present is your gift. The future is your motivation.